Cheshire Cat: Oh, by the way, if you'd really like to know, he went that way.
Cheshire Cat: The White Rabbit.
Cheshire Cat: He did what?
Cheshire Cat: Who did?
Cheshire Cat: What rabbit?
White Rabbit: [singing] I'm late / I'm late / For a very important date. / No time to say "Hello." / Goodbye. / I'm late, I'm late, I'm late.
Cheshire Cat: If I were looking for a white rabbit, I'd ask the Mad Hatter.
Cheshire Cat: Or, you could ask the March Hare, in that direction.
Cheshire Cat: Of course, he's mad, too.
Cheshire Cat: Oh, you can't help that. Most everyone's mad here.
[Laughs maniacally; starts to disappear]
Cheshire Cat: You may have noticed that I'm not all there myself.
Doorknob: Read the directions and directly you will be directed in the right direction.
March Hare: I have an excellent idea, LETS CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
Queen of Hearts: Off with their heads.
Queen of Hearts: Who's been painting my roses red? WHO'S BEEN PAINTING MY ROSES RED? /Who dares to taint / With vulgar paint / The royal flower bed? / For painting my roses red / Someone will lose his head.
Card Painter: Oh please, your majesty, please! It's all his fault!
Card Painter: Not me, your grace! The ace, the ace!
Queen of Hearts: You?
Card Painter: No, two!
Queen of Hearts: The two, you say?
Card Painter: Not me! The three!
Queen of Hearts: That's enough! Off with their heads!
Mad Hatter: Would you like a little more tea?
March Hare: Ah, you mean you can't very well take less.
Mad Hatter: Yes. You can always take more than nothing.
Dodo: Ahoy, and other nautical expressions!
Tweedle Dum: If you think we're waxworks, you ought to pay, you know.
Tweedle Dee: Contrarywise, if you think we're alive you ought to speak to us.
Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dum: That's logic.
Dormouse: Twinkle twinkle, little bat / How I wonder where you're at? / Up above the world so high / Like a tea tray in the sky.
March Hare: It's very simple. Now, thirty days has Septem -No. wait... An unbirthday, if you have a birthday, then you -
[laughs]
March Hare: She doesn't know what an unbirthday is.
Mad Hatter: Oh yes mustard! That'll do... Mustard? Don't let's be silly. Now lemon, that's different...
March Hare: Why my dear child this is not a birthday party.
Mad Hatter: Heavens no. This is an unbirthday party.
Mad Hatter: Clean cup, clean cup. Move down.
Queen of Hearts: I warn you dear child, if I lose my temper, you lose your head. Understand?
[after they have restrained the Dormouse]
March Hare: Ah thank goodness! Those are the things that upset me!
March Hare: See all the trouble you started?
March Hare: Ah, that's just it. If you don't think, then you shouldn't talk.
Caterpillar: Who... are... you?
Caterpillar: I do not see. Explain yourself.
Caterpillar: I do not know.
Mad Hatter: Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Mad Hatter: I beg your pardon?
Mad Hatter: [alarmed] Why is a what?
March Hare: Careful, she's stark ravin' mad!
Mad Hatter: Easy, don't get excited!
March Hare: How about a nice cup of tea?
Mad Hatter: No wonder you're late. Why, this watch is exactly two days slow.
Doorknob: Sorry, you're much too big. Simply impassible.
Doorknob: No, impassible. Nothing's impossible.
White Rabbit: Why, Mary Ann! What are you doing out here?
White Rabbit: Don't just do something, stand there... Uh... no no! Go go! Go get my gloves! I'm late!
White Rabbit: My gloves!
[Blows trumpet]
White Rabbit: At once, do you hear!
Caterpillar: By the way, I have a few more helpful hints. One side will make you grow taller...
Caterpillar: ...and the other side will make you grow shorter.
Caterpillar: THE MUSHROOM, OF COURSE!
Mad Hatter: I DO?
Mad Hatter: Tea?
March Hare: [slices a tea cup in half] Just half a cup, if you don't mind.
Mad Hatter: Do you care for tea?
March Hare: If you don't care for tea, you could at least make polite conversation!
Cheshire Cat: All ways here you see, are the QUEEN'S WAYS!
Cheshire Cat: You haven't? You haVEN'T? Oh, but you must! She'll be mad about you, simply mad!
Cheshire Cat: Well, some go this way, some go that way. But as for me, myself, personally, I prefer the shortcut.
Cheshire Cat: You know? We could make her *really* angry! Shall we try?
Cheshire Cat: Oh, but it's loads of fun!
[shrinking]
[normal size]
Queen of Hearts: [giggles] And uh, just what were you saying, my dear?
Cheshire Cat: Why, she simply said that you're a fat, pompous, bad tempered old tyrant!
Queen of Hearts: Now then, are you ready for your sentence?
Queen of Hearts: Sentence first! Verdict afterwards.
Queen of Hearts: [shouting] All ways are...!
Cheshire Cat: A *
[starts to disappear]
Cheshire Cat: All mimsy were the borogroves...
Cheshire Cat: [reappears] There you are! Third chorus...
Alice: Oh, no, no. I was just wondering if you could help me find my way.
Cheshire Cat: Well that depends on where you want to get to.
Cheshire Cat: Then it really doesn't matter which way you go.
King of Hearts: What do you know about this unfortunate affair?
March Hare: Nothing.
Queen of Hearts: Nothing whatever?
March Hare: Nothing whatever!
Queen of Hearts: [shouts] That's very important! Jury, write that down!
Queen of Hearts: Now, where do you come from?
Queen of Hearts: Your way? All ways here are my ways!
Queen of Hearts: Curtsy while you're thinking. It saves time.
Queen of Hearts: I'll ask the questions! Do you play croquet?
Queen of Hearts: Then let the game begin!
White Rabbit: Her Imperial Highness, Her Grace, Her Excelency, Her Royal Majesty, the Queen of Hearts!
[Crowd cheers]
White Rabbit: ... And the King.
Voice in crowd: Hooray!
March Hare: Very interesting - Who's Dinah?
[Pants lasciviously]
Dormouse: Cat? CAT!
Orchid: To put it bluntly, a weed.
White Rabbit: Your Majesty, members of the jury, loyal subjects... and the King... the prisoner at the bar stands accused of enticing Her Majesty, the Queen of Hearts, into a game of croquet, thereby and with malice of forethought, molesting, tormenting, and otherwise annoying our beloved...
Queen of Hearts: Never mind all that! Get to the part where I lose my temper.
White Rabbit: ...thereby causing the Queen to lose her temper.
Queen of Hearts: And who is this?
King of Hearts: Let me see, my dear. It's certainly not a heart. Do you suppose it's a club?
King of Hearts: Rule 42: All persons more than a mile high must leave the court immediately.
Queen of Hearts: Sorry. Rule 42, you know.
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