on a personal note

Hello it's me, i just had a breakfast for 32.000 HUF. I am planning to move to Tokyo but for the moment I am just glad to be alive here. I don't have any plans to quit my dayjob, i keep on smoking tobacco and sometimes weed (if our dealer has any), and i am still afraid of genetic engineering, or more blunt, I am afraid of plain engineering. oh yeah, and flying saucer attacks.



yours
Mihai

Florence, Kristeva's patient

I dreamed about Florence, a depressive woman. She is Kristeva's analysand. She appears in New Maladies of the Soul. I identified with her in my dream, I identified with Kristeva as Florence's psychoanalyst and I identified with me, a close friend of Florence.

Florence takes photos with a sophisticated camera (very sci-fi, a sort of robotic extended eye.)

Kristeva is getting bored with this case, she looks at her watch quite often. She drinks coffee. She has a strong red lipstick.

Florence gets in her dreams (and I can see them as Florence):

first dream: She (I) talks about her parents' wedding. I imagine an old photo (looks from the 50s, black and white, fancy dressed people.) The photo becomes alive, a scratched black and white movie, no sound. They are at a table, plates are empty, they are waiting, they become hungry. She start to cut each other with knives and eat them, I can see them yell, still no sound, I can see them biting flesh, legs, hands, bones on the big table. Party continues. I wake up. still as Florence. Kristeva asks for something more. I try to go back to the dream. There is a new one:

second dream: Florence masturbates, she gets sick. I feel sick, I feel like throwing up. Florence goes to my bathroom, she pukes in the basin. She pukes Kristeva's head. The head starts talking. Then i switch right away to Kristeva's seat in the session. She explains what's going on. Switch back to Florence. She doesn't hear anything Kristeva says. She has only one thought: Kristeva represents my mother.
That's all I remember.

I went back to the book. Kristeva explains the two dreams (they are pretty close to what I dreamed): a tragic, grotesque poetics that give meaning to Florence's drives. They are related to her anxieties, to her desire of killing her daughter. Kristeva connects the two dreams by telling that Florence absorbs the head and body parts of her mother in order to spit them in the basin in order to make a place for her own child (to occupy her own basin). By remembering quite well this oniric mise-en-abyme, I guess I have to spit Kristeva's theories and writing in order to make a place for my own stuff. That would be a small possible reading based on Kristeva's text. But does it mean my friendship with Florence, to the level that I become her and her analyst?

Thanksgiving Prayer - William S. Burroughs

Always good to remember Ol'Bill's words of advise. Not as good as the Gus van Sant classic version, but with some interesting footage.

"Thanks for the wild turkey and
the passenger pigeons, destined
to be shit out through wholesome
American guts.


Thanks for a continent to despoil
and poison.

Thanks for Indians to provide a
modicum of challenge and
danger.

Thanks for vast herds of bison to
kill and skin leaving the
carcasses to rot.

Thanks for bounties on wolves
and coyotes.

Thanks for the American dream,
To vulgarize and to falsify until
the bare lies shine through.

Thanks for the KKK.

For nigger-killin' lawmen,
feelin' their notches.

For decent church-goin' women,
with their mean, pinched, bitter,
evil faces.

Thanks for "Kill a Queer for
Christ" stickers.

Thanks for laboratory AIDS.

Thanks for Prohibition and the
war against drugs.

Thanks for a country where
nobody's allowed to mind the
own business.

Thanks for a nation of finks.

Yes, thanks for all the
memories-- all right let's see
your arms!

You always were a headache and
you always were a bore.

Thanks for the last and greatest
betrayal of the last and greatest
of human dreams."

Salome dream

Oscar Wilde as Salome

I woke up this morning with one of the most weird dreams about a performance. It was something related to Salome by Oscar Wilde, a play I haven't thought about it for a while. Salome was played by an actress that i've worked with before, i won't tell her name for superstition :) I haven't seen anything of the show, just setting up the stage and trying to rehearse a bit, fixing the lights and so on. The location was important: it was set up in a Turkish bath, something similar to Rudas Furdo, but bigger, with some stone stairs in the middle of the main pool. The stairs were 5-6 meters high and they were old, shaking and falling. We were struggling to rehearse but the stairs were keep falling, we couldn't find the right ones to use. It was a relocation of an already made performance but the new elements, the water from the bath and the shaky stairs were changing the story and I was thinking how can I deal with it to support my own staging. I still don't know how this staging was made but it was connected strangely enough to Hedda Gabler. My hysterical ghosts again...